Bill Belichick Leaves Patriots After Seeing Early 'Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown' Reviews
"I gotta play that fucker," said the three-time AP NFL Coach of the Year
FOXBORO, Mass. — Longtime New Englands Patriots head coach and eight-time Super Bowl champion Bill Belichick put months of rumors to rest earlier today by announcing that he was going to retire and play that new Prince of Persia game as soon as possible.
“I know there’s been a lot of speculation, and it was impossible for me to picture leaving the game of football behind,” said Belichick, who first started coaching in 1975. “But that was before I saw the scores for the new Prince of Persia game. Eights and nines, bro. We are so fucking back.”
“Yeah, so I told the guys [on the New England Patriots] that it was a tough decision, and that I hopefully left this team and this game better than I found them, and that the measure of a man is when he owns up to his mistakes.”
“But that was all bullshit,” he added. “I’m really itching to stay up all night playing the new Prince of Persia game in peace, and I can’t do that with these assholes texting me about the draft. Can I just download it or should I send my kid down to GameStop?”
As of press time, ex-Patriot Rob Gronknowski had reportedly contacted his former coach, seeking help with a part of the Prince of Persia tutorial he was stuck on.