Forget the Next Switch, It’s Time for Nintendo To Announce the Virtual Boy 2
It’s been all but confirmed that Nintendo is preparing to announce the follow-up to their 2017 console, the Switch, a resounding success and the third-highest-selling system of all time. The consensus seems to be that the company's next hardware will be a continuation of what made the Switch such a megahit: convenience, affordability, and a bunch of fun-ass games.
While releasing the ‘Switch 2’ feels like a no-brainer, Nintendo isn’t known for adhering to popular trends. The Switch was a runaway hit despite its general lack of features that have become standard on Xbox and PlayStation, like 4K resolution, achievements, or an online friend system.
Sure, Nintendo could take an easy layup with their next console and include these now-standard features (maybe a bigger screen or something) and probably sell a boatload of units. But a more unconventional move wouldn’t be out of character.
In addition to being unorthodox, Nintendo is notoriously litigious. But I wonder if that is a byproduct of a more dominant trait: they’re incapable of letting anything go. They shut down fan-made games that use their IP or emulators that enable players to download Nintendo games with a swift vengeance. That same unrelenting intensity is on display when the company obsessively tries iterations of an idea until they get it right.
That’s why Nintendo should shock the world and announce a follow-up to the Virtual Boy, the 1995 console that suffered for being a bit ahead of its time. Also, it was too expensive and everything was red and black, like a three-dimensional Game Boy or Apple IIe game. Needless to say, it was a disaster and nobody bought it1.
Nintendo could call this new system I’ve just made up the Virtual Boy 2, but it’d be wise to wipe the slate clean and indicate they're taking a more mature approach this time. Call it the Virtual Dude. Oh, but then it’s VD for short. No, I don’t know. There’s a better name than Virtual Dude. Regardless, the important thing here is that Nintendo shows it's learned from its previous mistakes.
While the ‘90s were spent telling the world that virtual reality and some vague all-encompassing technological boom were happening soon, a lot of the available gadgets fell way short of the tech on display in movies like The Lawnmower Man and Johnny Mnemonic.
For example, the Virtual Boy wasn’t so much a VR headset as it was a whole rig you had to set up, complete with a tripod. Then you stuck your whole face in what felt like a giant Viewmaster. While certainly achieving some sliver of immersive 3D gaming, the hassle and red-and-blackness of it all meant it failed to make much impact. Gamers were promised virtual reality and received a $180 headache they could play around in.
Not only was it pretty shitty, but Nintendo also undeniably jumped the gun a little bit on offering a home virtual reality setup. The demand and technology clearly weren’t there yet. These days, however, there are a couple different underwhelming VR experiences consumers can choose from. Nintendo could dive right into that market.
The Meta Quest seems to be fine, but the PSVR and Apple Vision Pro have failed to move the needle very much. The PSVR is on its second try and doesn’t have much to offer besides ports of non-VR games2. The Vision Pro is brand new, so we’ll see, but I'm skeptical that putting on scuba gear to check your texts is going to take off, certainly at its current $3,400 price point.
This would be a great time for Nintendo to swoop in and surprise the world with a new VR headset. And as much as I’m kidding around, Nintendo is known to settle unfinished scores. Not just with fan-made projects, but sometimes their own ill-advised forays into hardware.
The motion-based Nintendo Wii was a runaway success for the company. But as innovative as it was, the system was kind of a glorified do-over of the inexplicable U-Force, a bizarre accessory Nintendo sold for the NES that purported to let you control games with the motion of your hands, some 17 years before Wii Sports made bowlers of us all.
I never had one of these, but there’s almost no way it worked. For one, look at it. Secondly, our household briefly had a Power Glove (probably the most infamous weird Nintendo accessory) when it was released, and promptly returned it after hooking it up and realizing there was no fucking way you could play a video game with it. The Power Glove actually had buttons, which is more than you can say for the U-Force. That thing must have been an absolute nightmare to use. Plus, it looks like you make planes fly by doing a jack-off motion.
It’s easy to forget that upon its release, the Switch essentially felt like a do-over of the underwhelming Wii U. Or, if not a do-over, at least a system that worked like we thought the Wii U might and with a name that was far, far less stupid.
Maybe Nintendo is less innovative than we realize and just secretly obsessed with getting every clunky idea they ever had right. This could also explain last year’s Super Mario Bros Movie, which actually felt like the games.
(VERY IMPORTANT SIDEBAR: I love Super Mario Bros., but it’s way more Mad Max than Super Mario. You should absolutely watch it if you haven’t. Do it for Mojo Nixon, who, sadly, just passed away. Casting him as Toad despite his filthy, filthy mouth is one of history’s all-time great decisions.)
And if Nintendo isn’t up to the challenge of bringing the Virtual Boy back all by themselves3, perhaps they could get some help from Sega. Once console rivals in the ‘90s, the Sonic guys have since pivoted to developing games, and the once unfathomable Nintendo/Sega collaboration is pretty common now.
Why Sega? While they never dabbled in virtual reality, they did introduce the Sega Activator back in 1993. It was a peripheral that looked like an octagonal train track that players stood inside of and flailed, with the promise of those moves being translated into the game being played. It didn’t work at all, of course, but the Activator did have players rearranging furniture to make a safe perimeter in which to play. In a way, this was a more accurate precursor to current VR products than the Virtual Boy ever was.
Nintendo is nothing if not unpredictable. I don’t really think they’ll put out a new Virtual Boy, but it wouldn’t be out of character if they shocked us all with their next hardware announcement. Don’t be surprised if the Switch 2 has 4K capabilities, more storage, and backward compatibility—but also something weird, like you have to be outside while you play it. There may also be a glove involved of some sort. You heard it here first.
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Reports say it sold around 750,000 copies, putting it below other punchlines like the Nokia N-Gage and bumping elbows with the Phillips CD-i and Google Stadia
Plus I had the PSVR1 and it hurt my head like a son of a bitch. It felt just like being inside Borderlands 2 while dealing with a massive headache!
To be perfectly fair, they did put out a VR set with the Labo stuff a few years ago, but it was made out of cardboard. They might need some help with a real one.
